amante's Journals on Buzznet

Just dropped by

amante — 2008-09-30T08:33:00Z

Wow.

I haven't been on Buzznet for many many months now. It's close to a year since last time i posted anything at all.
I'm sorry that I just disappeared, but really, buzznet changed, and it just wasn't fun anymore.

I got to know some fantastic people on here, and I am so grateful for that. Times have changed, and while I won't delete my profile, I won't be on here on a daily basis. Even a weekly basis, probably.

To be honest, I suspect that you have all forgotten about me! That's okay. If there was just ONE person who has missed me and wondered if I've been okay, then I'm happy to have given an answer.

love,

Trine

RAIN

amante — 2007-07-31T14:38:00Z

RAIN

[rān]
noun.

Water condensed from atmospheric vapor and falling in drops.

The darkest of August, with its endless days.

I sit on the ground, soaked to the bone, but I can't really feel it anymore. The sky is deep and close, and all the stars have drowned.

"God must be weeping," I whisper to myself, as I stare with my eyes wide open, seeing nothing at all. I briefly wonder if it’s for me. If God is crying for all the people like me. People that choose to give up and take the easy way out. People that are weak.
People that are selfish and selfcentered.

I’m lost in empty soundwaves as I sit there completely still, drifting along to the uneven beating in my chest. It's soft. It's perpetual. It's endlessly fragile.

I’ll go home in a little while, dragging my feet and unclenching my fists.
I’ll wipe my face and throw away all my notes.

Those around will remain blissfully ignorant as I wrap them all safe in lies and silence.

I’ll succumb.
Silent, suspended.
Dissolving.

another fill out form thing. haha.

amante — 2007-05-15T16:27:00Z

1. 4th grade teacher's name:
Odd. His name was Odd. xD for real.

2. Last words you said:
"hiadhaa". i was trying to say "hadet", which is "bye" in Norwegian, but i totally messed it up. cause i'm rad like that.

3. Last song you heard:
Soil's Song - Katatonia

4. Last person you hugged:
Olav. He'd gotten glacier ice on his clothes, and decided to share the lovelyness and get it on my clothes. Thank you, Olav. How very nice of you.

5. Last thing you laughed at:
Lisa making sexual innuendos on msn.

6. Last time you said I love you and
meant it:
Today, to Agné.

7. Last time you cried:
3 days ago when i got chilli in my eye. i dunno if that counts, but holy mother of fuck it hurt!
i was slicing up a chilli and then i put a finger in my eye (i find it stimulating... no really, i had an itch) and well.. i cried.

9. What color socks are you wearing
~ i'm not wearing socks. i've gone to bed.

10. What's under your bed:
adult magazines. naaah.*looks* ummm.. a guitarbox, guitarstraps, cardboardboxes, dustbunnies, some weird chord i dunno what is, lightbulbs (wtf), a plasticbag.. just stuff

11. What time did you wake up?:
~ i think maybe 4 am.

12. What's your least favorite ice cream:
~ some sort of chocolate flavoured shyite with nuts on. ew.

14. Do you have a fish tank, if so how big:
~ i do not have a fish tank. i do have an umbrella though, and it's green and shaped like a frog. i like it..

17. Current desktop background:
~ black writing which says "STAFF MEETING FOR EMPLOYEES ON MAY THE 21ST 6 PM." i never remember those sort of things, so i figured it would be smart to write it down. and what place better than my desktop, which i am CERTAIN to see? i should totally get a dayplanner.

18. If you could play any instrument what would it be?:
~ drums. i've always envied drummers. cause they're cool. and they get to hang out with bandmembers. OOO, ZING!

19. Favorite color(s):
~ dark blue, dark red, black

29. Are you on a diet? what about exercise?
~ no.

30.Current favorite expression:
~ "no, you fucking nipplehead"

36. What is your career going to be like?
~ i want to be a therapist. or a sosionom. i dont know yet.

37. How many kids do you want:
~ 2 max.

39. Have u ever Said "I love you":
~ you mean like, as in "i love you as friend" or to a lover? you english speaking nitwits need to find a better expression for it so it's easier to know what you're talking about.

40. Ever get into a fight with your pet:
yes, me and my dog enjoy a round of... boxing, from time to time.

41. Have you ever been to New York:
~ no, i havent, unfortunately. but im going to, eventually.

42. Been to Arizona:
~ uh. no?

43. Been to California:
~ no.

44. Been to Hawaii:
~ no

45. Been to Mexico:
~ nope

46. Been to Italy:
~ OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

47: Been to England:
~ YES! finally... haha

48. Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day?:
~not like that, but i've found myself in situations that i suddenly remember having dreamt before, and i can predict what will be said and done very accurately.

52. Do you have a crush on someone?
~ i don't know.

53. What book are you reading now?:
~ Lord of the flies. AGAIN. :D and also i'm reading an Oscar Wilde collection book. So many beautiful texts. :)

54. Where is it?:
~ on the table in my livingroom. why? YA WANNA STEAL IT?! i'd like to see you try *cracks knuckles*

55. What is the first thing you think when you wake up in the morning?
~ that being drenched in cold sweat really fucking sucks?
or on other more happy days i think "ooooh. mashed potatoes."

56. How many rings before you answer your phone?
~ it doesn't ring. i have a piano song as my ringtone so.. i usually never even hear it ring. i think people might be getting pissed that i never answer my phone.

59. What do you sleep with:
~ a teddybear. yeah i admit it. but i can't let him go. i've had him since i was 5 years old. he's blue and fluffy, and i love him as if he was a living thing.

60. What do you wear to sleep:
~ undies.

61. Where are you:
~ in bed.*raises eyebrows suggestively* no, not really. but yeah, i've gone to bed.

62. Where do you wish you were?:
~ in blissfull dreamland

THE EXTRA STUFF--

67. Where are you staying tonight:
~my apartment

70. Who is the last person that called you:
~ mum

71. Where do you want to get married:
~ i never want to get married. i'm not going to get tied down to one person like that. not anytime soon anyway. maybe when im like 60, or something..

75. Are you timely or always late:
~ i'm usually always waaay too early. which is annoying. i'm makes me look like a.. something not good.

77. Do you like being around people:
~ no. not strangers. my friends and family are all good, but strangers? nuh uh.

78. Best feeling in the world:
~ when i havent eaten chocolate in at least a week, and i take a bite and it melts on my tongue. that feeling fucking kicks the butt of ANY other lame ass feeling.

80. Are you a health freak?
~ i wouldn't call it that.

82. Are you lonely right now:
~ no. i am alone, but not lonely.

86. Do you want kids:
~ dont know yet.

THE LAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU--

87. Cried:
~ no

88. Bought something:
~ yeah. kiwis. hehe. don't you think they look like a camel's testicle sack?

89. Gotten Sick:
~ YEAH, i farted this REALL- No.

90. Sang:
~ of course, you dweeb.

91. Said "I love you":
~ yes

92. Wanted To Tell Someone You Loved them:
~ yes, and i did too.

95. Talked to someone:
~ yes. i'm not a TOTAL hermit.

96. Had a serious talk:
~ yes. i are serious.

97. Missed Someone:
~ yes, constantly.

98. Hugged Someone:
~ yes.

99. Kissed someone:
~ no.

100. Yelled at someone:
~ no. wait, yeah.. at olav for wetting my clothes.but i don't think he heard my rant really.

Do Not Resuscitate

amante — 2007-04-16T15:52:00Z

Life is like a foreign language, and we all mispronounce it.

It's roughly 4 in the morning, and the night has long since arrived. I'm so tired I could fall asleep standing, but my mind is working on overload and sleep seems impossible. I just got out of the shower, with all hopes of it clearing my mind gone.
I scrubbed my skin red and sore, and I scolded myself with hot water.
I came out just the same.

I always dread the nights. I can't stand the thoughts that come sneaking up on me and that hollow feeling that grows in volumes in my chest. Most of all, I hate the fact that the second I close my eyes, it all multiplies tenfold. If I sit perfectly still, I can hear the knot in my stomach getting tighter by the minute.
Peaceful sleep seems like such a foreign concept these days.

As I pick on my symmetrical scabs, I wonder when my mind got corrupted and at what time my body decided to follow. I think of which face I'll put on when the morning finally comes and what clever lines I'll spew out with a wry grin.

I won't ever let them see me with my guard down.

Life is like an intricate oprah, and no one hits the notes.

A little about me. ( i just LOVE filling out these! :D)

amante — 2007-03-20T14:56:21Z

33 things about me. xD

1. Can you cook? - Yeah, to some extent. I mean, not like fuckin Jamie Oliver or anything, but I've been told I make pretty decent food. (sounds extremely promising)

2. What was your dream growing up? - Becoming famous. I didn't really care how, just as long as people knew who I was. I grew out of it, thank God. Unlike others who still struggles with the whole famous thing.

3. What talent do you wish you had? - Photographic memory. It would make things so much easier.

4. Favorite place? - Candyshop riiiiiiiight over the border to Sweden. It's so cheap. I bought 2 kg candy there once. I puked the whole evening.

5. Favorite vegetable? It looks like broccoli, kind of. But it's white. And more solid. And better. (where's the dictionary when ya need it?)

6. What was the last book you read? - Roedhette (Little Red Riding Hood) by Unni Lindell.

7. What zodiac sign are you? - Taurus. Rawr. ( rawr? where the fuck did that come from? oO)

8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? - Nose and labret piercing, holes in my ears. No tattoos yet. But they will appear all over the place in time. I love tattoos.

9. Worst Habit? - I burp all the time. And I laugh an awful lot. Im selfish and selfcentered. And Im hyper aware of it all.

10. Would you meet someone from buzznet live? - And get raped in an alley? RIGHT. (kidding.)

11. What is your favorite sport? - BOXING! (im serious, it's so much fun to watch! hah!)

12. Negative or Optimistic attitude? - Negative. I cant help it. The glass is halfempty no matter which way i twist and turn it. In the end it ends up empty anyway, so what's the point really?

13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with someone? - Become a super hermit. xD "Soooo.. Nice weather, EH?" *awkward silence* *i plug in my mp3 player and ignores the other person*

14. Worst thing to ever happen to you? - Oooh. Not gonna write about that I think.

15. Tell me one weird fact about you: - When I get angry I often punch walls. And spend alot of time regretting said punching afterwards. It hurts like a bitch. Im serious. OO, another thing: When I was 10 i was in love with Simba from Lion King. I daydreamed about him coming to "save me" all the time.

16. Do have any pets? - Does my boyfriend count?

17. Do you know how to do the macerana? - *shifty* Yes.

18. What time is it where u are now? - 11:52 PM.

19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary? - scary as FUCK. You'd think one molested me when I was a kid (never happened) , cause I really hate clowns. They're so.. Scary. With crazy eyes and fake smiles. I had nightmares of clowns when I was younger.

20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be??? - Oh wow. There's so many things. I'd probably exchange my legs with some reeeeeally long and slender ones.

21. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience? - Crime partner for sure! I am constantly living on the edge of the law (by that i mean that i download music illegally).

22. What color eyes do you have? - Blue, like a.. blue thing.

23. Ever been arrested? - Hah, no.

24. Shoe size? - 6 1/2

25. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it? I'd buy myself a camera, that's what. And I'd go to tons of concerts. And bleach my hair and get hair extensions. And tattoos.

26. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew? - Liqourice!

27. What's your favorite place to hang at? - ICA. xD (lame food store in norway)

28. Do you believe in ghosts? - yes, i do. i believe there's alot more going on than we can see.

29. Favorite thing to do in your spare time? Surf the net and discover new bands.

30. Do you swear a lot? Yes. I have the mouth of a sailor.

31. Biggest pet peeve? - The way people from Norway pronounce My Chemical Romance. Many say the "ch" in the beginning the same as in "change".

32. In one word, how would you describe yourself? - Complicated on the inside. (i am fully aware that is more than one word, thankyouverymuch.)

That's it.

Boring for you, helluva lot of fun for me.

HAH!

You're a liar, and I'm tired.

amante — 2007-03-03T20:06:33Z

It's not that you keep doing it that hurts me the most. It's the fact that you feel the need to lie about it.

Foggy eyes, the mirror shows something different.

amante — 2007-03-02T07:56:00Z

"Ord på tvers i halsen
Strofane sit fast i flokete hår
Martyren brenn,
men asken er ubrukeleg."

I'm at home now. In the house I grew up. I've been sleeping in every day, but the heaven I find myself in, Spring Break, is coming to an end. On Monday, I have to go back. Back to that quiet, empty apartment. Back to the dysfuntional refridgerator and smashed lightbulbs. I'll have to drag myself out of bed every single day, to show up at school and have the teachers shoveling their useless information down my head.
The only bright part of school is my friends there.
I wish we could have more vacations. Vacations every second week. Every week. Every day.
I'm so tired of it all. The minute I set my feet in the classroom in the morning, I start counting down the minutes until I get to leave.
It never used to be like that.
I miss those days.

I've been rediscovering The Hush Sound on my days off. Gorgous, gorgous, gorgous lyrics:

"Rain falls, quickly wetting my hair and clothes
My cries fall upon her deaf ears more tears
Let me in, please it's cold I'm freezing out here, I miss you my dear
You're all his and I'm all yours, like it or not, I'm all you've got

Light cuts through the clouds and haunts me, like bad dreams
Outside lookin' in I'm feeling lost and cold as sin
A shred of hope a little bit of sweetness - anything please, except for defeat
If I could I'd lock you up and toss out the key, it's just you and me"

Aren't they beautiful? I can listen to their songs all night. Just sink into the couch, wrapped up in a blanket, with a cup of coffee and headphones on full blast.
Wish everyday single day could be like this.
Listening. Sleeping. Thinking. Writing. Playing.

I see the schoolbooks piled up on the floor, even though I'm trying as hard as I can to ignore them.They're accusing. Judgemental. I ought to open them and learn something, but I know it's not going to happen. It's never going to happen. The vows I keep making to myself are broken and torn apart, one by one.

The bottom has been reached, but I can't stop digging.

"The safe is unsafe."

blergh.

amante — 2007-02-06T14:20:32Z

You’re as fake as her nails

And she’s as shallow as you conscience

Lies on the tip of her tongue

Are fogging up your senses.

She’s all you’re about

The past has been forgotten

Memories of who you were

Has long since faded to nothing

My fingertips touch yours

Hold on for a little longer.

“You know I’d die for you, right?”

I nod and bite my lip.

It only matters

Whether you are willing to live

For me.

Your eyes are glazed over

And your speech is slurred

I ask you what’s wrong

You lie and say nothing

You reach out your hand

But I pull away

I don’t want you near me

I can’t even look you in the eyes

You gave us a promise

It was eaily broken

My last shreds of trust

Have been ripped away

..

amante — 2007-02-06T14:15:00Z

The wind is as cold and uncaring as the winter.

It whisks out the memories and puts our feelings on ice.

We have our hearts locked up inside formaldehyde jars,

Leaving them cold and untouched by the time.

.

amante — 2007-02-06T08:35:46Z

You tear my world apart.
And I watch.
From a safe distance.